Oh boy I'm so behind. I have a bajillion things to do before we start moving on Wednesday and I feel like I'm at square one still.... even though we aren't, but still!
1. Finish my mounds and mounds of laundry
2. Pack the kitchen, guest bedroom, bathroom and any other odds and ends
3. Clean the house we're currently in
4. Clean out our fridge/freezer and pack up what's left
5. Touch up the paint in the old house and repair what's broken
6. Hire kid down the street to mow the lawn
7. Finally get into the new house and do a deep clean (crossing my fingers for wednesday)
8. Throw down some primer on the walls in one of the bedrooms
9. Move Thursday, Friday and Saturday!
10. Go to concert with in-laws in Dallas on Sunday
11. Finish cleaning the old house on Monday and never ever go back again :)
I'm exhausted just thinking about this week. PLUS having to work all but Wednesday and Thursday, I'm really going to be worn out once we finally get into the new house. The only good thing about the next week is that I'll be so excited to be in the new house that I'll bust my butt to get it looking right. PLUS hubby took that whole week off so I'll have plenty of help :) Gotta get going!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hurt Feelings
So, hubby and I had a rough day last Saturday. He did some things and then lied about a lot of things and really hurt me. It wasn't even what he had done, but the numerous lies that he told that hurt the most. Sadly, this isn't even the first time we've been through this, which is frustrating beyond belief. Anyway, so the past few days we've slowly been working past the events of this weekend and I thought we were doing better. Today and tomorrow are my days off this week and he took leave to be with me and help get our house ready to move. (which was super sweet) We were hanging out in our bedroom and being goofy when I playing-ly pushed him off the bed and he playing-ly said he was just going to go sleep on the couch and I, again, played along. No matter how bad our arguments or disagreements or what have you, we've never spent a night apart if we can help it... obviously since we are a military family... So I was just going to wait him out and see how long it took him to come back. That stinker actually fell asleep on the couch, while I'm in here not able to shut down completely without him laying next to me! It's stupid how much my feelings are hurt that he was able to just plop down on the couch and have no problem falling asleep. He even said tonight how excited he was to get to fall asleep snuggling me... (I work 3-11pm so I get home way after he falls asleep, so it really is a treat)
So.. here I am.. blogging in my bed... alone. Every snore I hear it's just a reminder that he doesn't really need me as much as he claims, or at least that's how it feels.
So.. here I am.. blogging in my bed... alone. Every snore I hear it's just a reminder that he doesn't really need me as much as he claims, or at least that's how it feels.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I HATE PACKING!
Uuuuuuugh. How did I get so unorganized in the past few months??? Thank goodness we aren't pcsing and are only moving closer to the city.. but still. I'm stressed beyond belief. Where are the professional organizers when we need them?? There just aren't enough hours in the day to get done what needs to get done. Hopefully we can pull this off without me losing my mind... or what's left of it! lol :)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
confusion at it's best
I don't know what to do. Lately I'm consumed with trying to figure out our future and where this life is taking us. It's starting to make me insane.
My work schedule is less than desirable and I hardly see hubby because of it. We both really would like to start trying for a baby, but I'm so unsure. He works the morning shift and I work afternoons, we have NO family up here whatsoever and no friends that could help us in a pinch with kids. We would only need daycare or a nanny three days a week for MAYBE three hours. What if our kids get sick? Who will watch them if they get sick and we both have to work? Hubby can't just take off work and I only am given so many sick days a year. What about holidays? We're only four hours away from both our families but would we really want to drive home every Christmas?
Hubby has been asking me a lot lately about my dreams. What my dreams were growing up and how they've changed now. Growing up I wanted to be a mother and a wife more than anything in the world. I quickly learned that that answer wasn't deemed acceptable during those days and that I should "want more for myself". I never dreamed that I would marry someone that would support whatever I wanted to do, and not just what was "acceptable", so I tried for years to repress those feelings. Now, having the amazing husband that I do, it's so hard not to crave being a stay at home mom. My heart aches for it, but I know we aren't quite there financially yet. I never imagined being a military wife and that definitely changes the way I pictured my life. I never thought I'd live too far from my family. My sister and I always said we would flip-flop having holidays at our houses. Thanksgiving at mine and Christmas at hers, and then the next year switching. I always thought my family would be at my kids birthday parties and be able to see them be born. I am a Texas girl through and through so I'm still having a bit of a shock to my system to no longer live there and my hubby knows it.
In our talk yesterday he said he'd be willing to not re-enlist and we could move back to Texas once this enlistment was up. He would work really hard these next couple of years to finish his bachelors and could find a job at an airport or something of that nature. At first I just cried. To get a man better than my dreams, and get all of my other dreams too, is just too unreal. The thought of him changing his dreams to make me happy makes me sick with guilt though. I just don't know what to do. I want to be near our families, I want him to be happy, but most of all I just want to have a family with him. Where's the compromise? Do we just take it one day at a time and live the best way we know how each day? Or do we try and look into the future and plan for what we want? I just don't know. I wish I had a crystal ball or something to look into and have a definite answer. If I had normal hours at work, I wouldn't be so neurotic about having kids... or if I could be a stay at home mom, I know I'd be tons happier. But none of that is possible any time soon.
BLAH! I neeeeeeeed my brain to turn off for a while.
My work schedule is less than desirable and I hardly see hubby because of it. We both really would like to start trying for a baby, but I'm so unsure. He works the morning shift and I work afternoons, we have NO family up here whatsoever and no friends that could help us in a pinch with kids. We would only need daycare or a nanny three days a week for MAYBE three hours. What if our kids get sick? Who will watch them if they get sick and we both have to work? Hubby can't just take off work and I only am given so many sick days a year. What about holidays? We're only four hours away from both our families but would we really want to drive home every Christmas?
Hubby has been asking me a lot lately about my dreams. What my dreams were growing up and how they've changed now. Growing up I wanted to be a mother and a wife more than anything in the world. I quickly learned that that answer wasn't deemed acceptable during those days and that I should "want more for myself". I never dreamed that I would marry someone that would support whatever I wanted to do, and not just what was "acceptable", so I tried for years to repress those feelings. Now, having the amazing husband that I do, it's so hard not to crave being a stay at home mom. My heart aches for it, but I know we aren't quite there financially yet. I never imagined being a military wife and that definitely changes the way I pictured my life. I never thought I'd live too far from my family. My sister and I always said we would flip-flop having holidays at our houses. Thanksgiving at mine and Christmas at hers, and then the next year switching. I always thought my family would be at my kids birthday parties and be able to see them be born. I am a Texas girl through and through so I'm still having a bit of a shock to my system to no longer live there and my hubby knows it.
In our talk yesterday he said he'd be willing to not re-enlist and we could move back to Texas once this enlistment was up. He would work really hard these next couple of years to finish his bachelors and could find a job at an airport or something of that nature. At first I just cried. To get a man better than my dreams, and get all of my other dreams too, is just too unreal. The thought of him changing his dreams to make me happy makes me sick with guilt though. I just don't know what to do. I want to be near our families, I want him to be happy, but most of all I just want to have a family with him. Where's the compromise? Do we just take it one day at a time and live the best way we know how each day? Or do we try and look into the future and plan for what we want? I just don't know. I wish I had a crystal ball or something to look into and have a definite answer. If I had normal hours at work, I wouldn't be so neurotic about having kids... or if I could be a stay at home mom, I know I'd be tons happier. But none of that is possible any time soon.
BLAH! I neeeeeeeed my brain to turn off for a while.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Busy Beaver
Well, I've been kind of out of it lately. I feel like I've been running around like crazy the last few days. I did some spring cleaning yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The house isn't perfect yet, but it's certainly cleaner. I'm almost ready to start packing everything up for our big move in May. SOOOO excited about our new house. I can't wait to get in it. It definitely helps that I can finally open all the windows in the house and let the breeze in. I love nothing more than fresh air in the house and being able to hear the kids in the neighborhood playing outside. Makes my heart happy.
Hubby had his promotion ceremony this week and I enjoyed it. It was nice to see him so proud and I appreciated being able to be a part of the celebration. Later that night we walked around the mall just to spend some time together and ended up at dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We sat there and had the best talk we've had in MONTHS! MONTHS I tell you! It almost broke my heart to have to leave. It was glorious just to sit there and catch up with him and talk about what all life has in store for us in the coming months.
At the beginning of the week I had been kinda down in the dumps and we had to talk about that too, but it was good to get it off my chest. I love my job, really I do... but sometimes I just don't know if it's worth it. I work nearly a completely opposite schedule to his. He works (generally obviously with it being the military and all) 6:30-3:30 and I work either 3-11 during the week and a 4am-8am shift on Saturday mornings. I don't have set days off yet but have NEVER had a normal weekend off, and I'll probably have tuesdays and wednesdays as my permanent days once we get another full-timer. That pretty much means unless it's his days off, or mine, we can kiss each other good bye in the morning when he leaves, and kiss each other goodnight when I get home. That's just not how I pictured my life... or my marriage for that matter. Every once and a while I get it in the back of my mind that maybe I could get my teaching certificate and teach multimedia in high schools. So when I brought that up to the hubby all he says is "do whatever you want to do babe" and "it'll get better once we move closer". Umm... that doesn't make me feel better in the least, and that's really not all that helpful! It hurts my feelings even more because I never imagined marrying a military man and being so far away from my family, but I love him more than anything and would do anything to be with him... even give up seeing my family more than three or four times a year. But that's a difficult sacrifice for me. I willing gave of myself so that he could fulfill his dream of being in the Air Force and find a job that he could be proud of, but he can't help me fulfill my goals and dreams? Help me find what will make me happiest? That makes me feel like I'll give anything to help him be happiest, but he wouldn't do the same. Slightly frustrating at times but I know he's not being like that on purpose. I'm not exactly making it easy on him... or myself for that matter. I guess my desire to be a stay at home mom is so overwhelming at times I can only see how long it's going to take us to get there... and not the excitement of getting there in general. I mean, we don't even have kids yet for goodness sake.
Anywho, I hope you all have a fabulous Easter weekend and enjoy some down ttime. :)
Hubby had his promotion ceremony this week and I enjoyed it. It was nice to see him so proud and I appreciated being able to be a part of the celebration. Later that night we walked around the mall just to spend some time together and ended up at dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We sat there and had the best talk we've had in MONTHS! MONTHS I tell you! It almost broke my heart to have to leave. It was glorious just to sit there and catch up with him and talk about what all life has in store for us in the coming months.
At the beginning of the week I had been kinda down in the dumps and we had to talk about that too, but it was good to get it off my chest. I love my job, really I do... but sometimes I just don't know if it's worth it. I work nearly a completely opposite schedule to his. He works (generally obviously with it being the military and all) 6:30-3:30 and I work either 3-11 during the week and a 4am-8am shift on Saturday mornings. I don't have set days off yet but have NEVER had a normal weekend off, and I'll probably have tuesdays and wednesdays as my permanent days once we get another full-timer. That pretty much means unless it's his days off, or mine, we can kiss each other good bye in the morning when he leaves, and kiss each other goodnight when I get home. That's just not how I pictured my life... or my marriage for that matter. Every once and a while I get it in the back of my mind that maybe I could get my teaching certificate and teach multimedia in high schools. So when I brought that up to the hubby all he says is "do whatever you want to do babe" and "it'll get better once we move closer". Umm... that doesn't make me feel better in the least, and that's really not all that helpful! It hurts my feelings even more because I never imagined marrying a military man and being so far away from my family, but I love him more than anything and would do anything to be with him... even give up seeing my family more than three or four times a year. But that's a difficult sacrifice for me. I willing gave of myself so that he could fulfill his dream of being in the Air Force and find a job that he could be proud of, but he can't help me fulfill my goals and dreams? Help me find what will make me happiest? That makes me feel like I'll give anything to help him be happiest, but he wouldn't do the same. Slightly frustrating at times but I know he's not being like that on purpose. I'm not exactly making it easy on him... or myself for that matter. I guess my desire to be a stay at home mom is so overwhelming at times I can only see how long it's going to take us to get there... and not the excitement of getting there in general. I mean, we don't even have kids yet for goodness sake.
Anywho, I hope you all have a fabulous Easter weekend and enjoy some down ttime. :)
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