Homesick

I know I'm homesick every now and then, I'm the first to admit it. Hubby knows how much I miss home and my family, but I try to keep it underwraps as best as I can. Due to work I only got to spend two days at home for Christmas and haven't been back for longer than 24 hrs since then. That's not exactly the life I pictured, but I'm married to a man far better than I ever dreamed, so I can deal. However, when I can't make it home for certain events I feel like the worst daughter/sister/aunt/friend ever. My mom has been living with my sister and her family for a while to help them along while my sis finished school. Well, she graduated so my mom found a place of her own and started moving last week. Of course I can't come help because all I get is one lousy day off a week (due to EVERYONE taking vacation). It seems like everyone and their dog came to help mom move, but could her own daughter be there to help? Of course I couldn't. I don't really care what people think, but gosh, what must all of her friends think of me?

I have never missed my niece's function, no matter what. All school events, ballet recitals, birthdays, major and minor events, I've been there...Until this year when I missed her ballet recital this year and her pre-k graduation. When I asked a couple of weeks ago if I could take a vacation day to be at her birthday party in NOVEMBER I was told I couldn't because November is a ratings period. Umm, I can't take one, single solitary day to see my niece celebrate her 6th birthday? My niece called me the other day and asked if I was going to be at her birthday. (The child counts down to it practically starting the day after.) I told her I'd try my hardest, while inside my heart was breaking. I just have to find a way to be there, or I might as well just crawl in a hole and never come out.

I hate what living in another state is doing to me. I have always been surrounded by family and now I'm all alone with only the hubby around. (Not that I'm complaining about him being the only one, but you know what I mean) I just hate being so far away sometimes. I hate how disconnected I feel. I hate that I have to plan out seeing my family and being there for major events. I guess I'm a little more homesick than I'd like to admit sometimes.