Out of the loop

Wow. It's been forever since I've blogged. There really is no excuse other than I've had other priorities as of late and couldn't wrap my brain around handling any more than I already am. So pardon me for this potentially painfully long post as I attempt to catch up.

Thanksgiving was insane. I felt so lucky to have lots of family and friends at our house for the holiday. My dad, grandmother, mother and father in law, three brothers and sister in laws, grandmother in law all stayed at our house for several days to celebrate the holiday. On Thanksgiving day the men worked on frying the turkeys, while my mother in law and I went to work in the kitchen. Luckily we had done a pretty good job of planning ahead and making things in advance so the kitchen wasn't nearly as hectic as it could have been. For whatever reason I was an idiot and didn't take a single picture, so unfortunately I have nothing to remember the 14 people in our house making the day all sorts of fun. Of course, I had to work that afternoon but luckily I swendled my dad into going with me and that made it infinitely more fun to show him what I do every day.

Shortly after Thanksgiving I found out that I was pregnant. At first the hubs and I were fairly shocked. I was quite late on my period and had gone to the doctor to hash out the reason. I was convinced that I had PCOS or something, but ended up having a positive pregnancy test. For a few days we just sat around thinking "what are we going to do", but slowly but surely we began to get excited and conjured a cute way to tell our families the good news on our trip back to Texas for Christmas. At this time my sister had announced that she was pregnant and just a few days after I found out I was preggo, my sister in law called to tell us she was pregnant. It was just crazy to wrap my head around the fact that there would be three new family members to welcome all in a matter of no more than 2 months apart.

Unfortunately, it has been proven to me once again that as soon as I allow myself to get excited about something, the rug is pulled out from under me. When I was about 8 weeks along, I woke up one morning to severe bleeding and ended up spending the entire day in the emergency room to be belittled by nurses, forgotten by doctors, and ultimately told that no one knew anything. One nurse had the gall to look me in the face and say (literally) "Well, you know, if you are having a miscarriage, there's nothing we can do to stop it". Umm, yes... I'm well aware of that fact. I could have hit her. Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm stupid thank you very much. I woke up the next morning to unbearable pain and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had miscarried. No matter how hard I try, I can't shake that image. I don't want to be gross, but I honestly wish that I could just delete that image out of my mind so that it won't creep up on me and take me by surprise anymore. Nothing was more painful that having to call family members to not only tell them I had been pregnant, but that I had miscarried. Not a single family member knew and it was just awkward and difficult all the way around. My husband amazed me through the whole ordeal. He was so strong and yet opening showed me the hurt in his heart. It definitely reminded me of how amazing he is and how lucky I am to have married such an awesome man. To make matters worse, two days after I miscarried, my sister miscarried and then two days after that my sister in law found out her pregnancy was ectopic and had to have her entire tube removed. Needless to say, that week was incredibly emotional. Not something I want to ever revisit, yet is somehow theraputic to write about it.

Anyway, Christmas came and we were able to jet off to Texas for an entire week. I don't think I could have enjoyed that week anymore. It was fabulous to have something else to focus on other than our collective losses. It was so nice to spend time with our family and not feel rushed. I would have liked to have seen my mother and sister more, but I understand how life can be tricky at times. My dad and I saw Baylor, my alma mater, play in their first bowl game in about 15 years, we visited with friends we hadn't spent time with in years maybe, and just hung out with our families. It helped heal my heart to be surrounded by people I love in the state I love.

The new year brought a new life for my husband and I. We realized that we had been living in a state of denial for many months. We were so disconnected and so checked out that we had lost sight of almost everything. We feel like we're dating again. Spending lots of time together, several dates, and making plans again. My heart is happy and I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Life still has difficult moments, but we feel more united than ever. We've made a pact to go on at least one big date a month and so far this month we've already had two :) We're being proactive in our goals and really going for them. The hubs is working on enrolling in school so he'll be able to finish his bachelors. I'm going after a major job promotion that I'd give a limb to have. We're finally getting ever more settled in our house and reeeally enjoying the changes. Unfortunately we're also on the car hunt. Hubs' almost 14 year old truck fought the good fight and dead the ultimate death a few weeks ago. Luckily he's on swings for a few months and we're FINALLY working the same schedule. (Which has helped witht the spending time together, and allowed us to carpool with no problem)

So, to wrap things up... along with the changes we're making in our married life, I'm going to try and be better about blogging. I used to really enjoy it and want to get back to that place. I will post a picture update of the past few months once I get home and can get them from my computer. I'm painfully making my way through my dreaded Sunday shift and will rejoice once 3 pm rolls around. Anywho, enjoy your Sunday! It's good to be back.

Skype!

I officially have a skype! I don't know why I held out for so long, especially being a mil-spouse, but it's a done deal now! Now I just have to figure out how it works and get my family on it! My mom is probably going to sign up tonight and my sis will once she invests in a webcam! Woohoo! Now all I have to do is the my dad and the in-laws in the loop and I'll be golden! Then I can focus on getting some friends on there as well. lol I have a sneaking suspicion though that my niece will be the most fun to talk to! :)

Rain!!

I'm so excited that the seasons are starting to change! I LOVE the fall/winter time more than anything! I love the smell in the air. I LOVE being able to turn off the ac and throw the windows open. The house smells good, I can put out my fall decorations, it's that much closer to Christmas, and I can start wearing sweaters again! So, what are we doing tonight? Hanging out with the windows open, loving hearing the rain, and praying it doesn't flood! :) Today has been a great day.

M.I.A.

Firstly, I'm sorry I haven't posted a blog in so long. There are so many things that have gone on in the last few weeks that I just haven't had the heart to blog. The overwhelming sense of "blah" has really taken over me for several weeks and nothing fun or interesting to blog about happens when you're feeling so blah.

A few days ago I literally hit my breaking point. I just lost it. My poor hubby has probably never been more scared in his life, but he was so patient and kind. I've been miserable for several months and it dawned on me the other day that I was trying to point the finger as to why I was so miserable at ANYTHING other than the truth. I said I was miserable because of my job, being away from family, not being able to start a family when we wanted to, etc. It was like God's hand came down and smacked me on the forehead and said "No you dummy, you're the reason you're miserable." Oh... I'm making myself miserable. Awesome. So, I've been trying to improve my attitude and accept that the situation is not what's making me so upset, it's how I'm dealing with the situation. That's a tough pill to swallow, I'll tell you that for sure.

I keep telling hubby I wish there was an easy button and am wondering where my burning bush is. I don't feel like I'm doing what I should be doing as far as my career, but I also feel like what I want will never happen. My work schedule sucks so bad I can hardly stand it. At the moment, I really feel like being a teacher is what would truly help me feel fulfilled in my career and enjoy myself, but I have NO idea how to go about it. I got a part-time job at a local elementary school within the past few days and that's an encouragement I suppose, but it's only 1.5 hours a day and that means I'll never have a day off, unless I take vacation from the station over a weekend. That's slightly daunting but I'm hoping I can get a teacher's assistant position at this same elementary school and then I can quit at the station. But then I had a panicky moment realizing... but I won't have work over the summer months! What will we do without an income for those three months?! I'm just lost and feel like I'm drowning. Like the more I hate this situation, the worse it gets, and the less I know what to do.

This isn't quite as cheery of a blog as I was hoping, but it's the best I can muster. I'm going to try and do better about blogging and maybe that will help me feel better. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with you ladies, but I promise you aren't forgotten.

Sweet Miracles

Goodness, I haven't made time to blog lately. I've been completely out of the loop the past few days. My apologies. :)

Meet the new members of our family!!

This is sweet Millie

And this little guy has yet to find a name

So, Millie has a pretty amazing story, but I need to start from the beginning. The majority of my childhood pets were found in rescues. Each and every one of them have their own special story that made them even more dear to all of our hearts. This being said, I have a special place in my heart for rescue shelters, as well as the animals within them.

When we first moved in Oklahoma, which has been nearly a year (Crazy!), we immediately started talking about pets. We'd been dying to have a pet and finally had a yard/house to have one. Instinctively, I started looking at shelter websites in the area. Hubby really likes huskies so I kept a special eye out for one and then one day I came across Millie. (We've re-named her from what the rescue was calling her but still) Her story instantly touched my heart and melted it completely.

The lady that ran the rescue frequents local shelters as often as possible to see if she can save animals from being put down. One day she saw a puppy that looked like she was days away from death, either because of her injuries and sheer point of starvation, or due to her impending euthanization. She couldn't bare to see this poor dog again before they put her down so she didn't come back until after she was supposed to be put to sleep.

Skin and Bones

When she did come back, dog she had seen was still there. She knew she just had to get her and bring her back to good health. It had been a sign. She knew that it'd be plenty of work, but the dog deserved it. At some point she had an infection on her spine that hadn't been treated and had done lasting damage. Her legs would get twisted up easily, she couldn't quite walk straight, and running ended up being more like a bunny hop. Her digestion was less than optimal and her ability to know when she needs to go to the potty was minimal at best.

We've talked about Millie ever since then. No matter how many dogs we looked at, Millie already had our hearts. So, nearly a year after first seeing her on the website, she is now snoozing on our back porch enjoying being at home for the first time. We love her, she loves us and she's here to stay. I really do feel like a mother who has brought their child home from the hospital. lol. She's the sweetest thing in the world and is our sweet miracle doggie.

When we finally name our little man, I'll have to post a blog about him, so as to be fair. :)

Confusion

Well, I have an interview on Monday for a nanny job and my feelings are so mixed up I don't know how to feel. I'm excited, but scared. I'm nervous, but resigned. I want to get my teacher's certificate, but I don't know how I'm going to make it work. We can't afford any more student loans or for me to not work. This job is for a part-time position and as far as I can tell I'd make just under what I'm making now... we can't do that. If I could somehow make it into a full-time job or get them to up the weekly pay by just 50 dollars it'd be perfect. (Minus the figuring out how to pay for the certification classes and such of course... but I'd definitely have the time to do it) But I could find fulfillment in a nanny job, maybe more so than working at the station right now. I'm thoroughly confused, but hopefully I can work through some of this and have myself figured out by Monday morning.

Yardwork

Yesterday was just one of those days that I wanted to get a ton done and by golly I did! Hubby's brother has been staying with us for a few weeks so I took advantage of having TWO people to boss, rather than the one I'm used to. We organized the garage...which was just horrible to look at, cleaned up all the junk the family the lived here prior to us left in the backyard.. including but not limited to tarps, pieces of guttering, bed frames, etc., I weed-eated like a crazy person, picked my garden, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and cooked dinner. Needless to say I was woooorn out. And so were the boys...even if they won't admit it.

My little friend I found in the garden

While working in the garden I found that guy up there and promptly freaked out. Thank goodness I had my gloves on! So hubby told me just to toss it over the fence and I certainly shouldn't have done that while laughing. I didn't exactly toss him over... more like tossed him into it. Right into the gap between two pieces of wood. I could have fallen over laughing right then and there.

My green green garden :)

Working outside makes me happy. I don't know why. I guess it's in my blood; my dad used to be a landscaper. I enjoy it so much, I might just do it some more this evening.

As for today, we're doing much of the same. Re-arranging furniture, cleaning, and laundry. A big chunk of the day was taken away when we had to take a trip to the base. Paperwork needed to be filed for hubby's extended leave and boy was that a pain in the rear. Anyway, it's taken care of now and that's what matters.

Whoops!

Well, the hubby had his first post-op appointment this morning and it was rather insightful. Apparently I didn't fully grasp the fact that he'll be recovering for quite a while. It's been nearly two weeks since the surgery and he was told not to go to work until they could see his progress at this appointment. Thank goodness they finally got those awful staples out of his knee today! I thought he'd be much better after that, be able to work out some stiffness and have to head back to work on Monday. Boy was I wrong! They told him that he can't go back to work for another month so that he can regain his full range of motion and THEN start back to physical therapy. WOW! That's a lot longer than I expected. I feel bad now because I've been getting onto him for not doing very much around the house and not attacking his "to do while you don't have to work" list. lol The poor guy shouldn't be doing any of it! I certainly got my reality check today and will definitely be more sensitive now. I felt sooo bad though!

This is a picture of his xray. It shows how out of place his knee cap was. 

That was only one of the problems they had to fix.

My poor baby's knee after surgery.

I need to get a picture of what it looks like now.

Time to Catch Up

Well, last week was pretty fabulous to tell the truth. My birthday was Monday and once I got off work hubby took me to the Melting Pot and to see Eclipse. It was so wonderful to spend time with him and just have fun! Plus it was pretty hilarious to see the hubby sit through the movie.

Then the next morning hubby all but threw me out the door to spend a few days in Texas with my family. It did my soul good to spend some time with everyone. I got to play like a six year old with my niece, spend hours talking to my dad, and hang out with my momma. I didn't get to see my sister as much as I'd like, but at least we got to spend SOME time together. Mom and I saw Inception and boy was it crazy! Probably one of the best movies I've seen in a good while. Dad and I went to El Fenix, only the best Mexican food on the face of the planet! Seriously, if you haven't eaten there, you haven't lived. I had a nice big margarita and the best enchiladas ever made.  I also got to spend the majority of one of the days hanging out with my niece and boy was it awesome. Towards the end of it I was lamenting the fact that she doesn't take naps anymore. :)

In other news, the AC is fixed, I'm congested as all get out, and the hubbys finally gets to have his post-op appointment with the orthoscopic surgeon tomorrow. I'm probably just as anxious as he is for him to get the staples out of his knee! Today is my Friday and I'm rather excited to have two days off starting in a couple hours! :)

Thank you GOD!

So, in an update to the air conditioner issue, the repairmen finally made their way out here and brilliantly told us that the compressor had died. My husband knew that without even looking at the unit, but whatever. Anyway, they said they have to order a new one and it won't be here until Wednesday or Thursday. Well... that's swell! What are we supposed to do until then? So tomorrow is my birthday and I was planning on using some sick days to go back home for a few days (starting Tuesday) anyway, so it doesn't really affect me much. However, the hubs is another story. He swears up and down that the heat won't bother him but I beg to differ. It got up to 100 degrees in the house yesterday... can anyone say heat stroke?! So today we bought a window unit to help bring the temp down even just a little bit and thank the Lord we did! By no means is it cold in the living room now, but it is MUCH better than what it was. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight :)

I've pretty much had the week from hell and I'm so completely exhausted I can't even bring myself to blog about it. My brain is about two days slower than normal so I'm sure that doesn't help much either.

Fabulous Day!

Today was my one and only day off this week and boy did I enjoy it! The hubby got put on mid-shift this week so we're still adjusting to him being gone at night, as well as him being home during the day. It was AMAZING to spend some quality time with him while we weren't about to fall over asleep or worrying about needing to go to work in the near future. (Generally we only see each other when I'm getting home from work at 11pm and wake him up when I get in bed) I literally feel like I'm on cloud nine I'm so happy at the moment. I love nothing more than to just hang out with my husband being silly and catching up. My heart is so happy from this day I don't know if anything can bring me down. :)

Still Unsure

Well, my blog looks lame and I'm feeling lame about it. ha! I have no idea how to make this thing look better. I'd love to post some pictures and jazz it up a bit... but I'm still learning. Bare with me!

In other news I finally had two days off in a row!! I can't remember a time that's happened since I got this job in November, so it's a HUGE deal. I've had a TON to do yesterday and today but I just can't help feeling the urge to relax and put it off. There's no telling if the whole idea of having two days off in a row will stick for very long and I really should take advantage of it. I'll probably get up off my butt soon.. just not yet. lol

In other news, hubby is busy as ever at work. Good news first, we thought he was up for promotion next month but he was told YESTERDAY that he'd have a promotion ceremony next Wednesday. We're so excited! Gotta hurry up and get new patches sewn on everything. (My to-do list keeps getting longer!!) AND He was supposed to take his 5-level test today, but it got pushed back to next week due to scheduling issues. So today he's been taking his pre-tests and for some reason having the hardest time! He's been studying for months now and I really think he's just psyching himself out. I feel awful for him, but don't know what to do! I know without a shadow of a doubt he'll be able to pull off a great score, but his confidence in himself is starting to dwindle. Poor guy.